Pushed Away
by Maybesandhopefullys
Summary: The brothers had held each other for what felt like hours, not wanting to let go after spending so many years apart. Emma watched silently from the side, the rest of her family talking quietly amongst themselves with only occasional glances in the direction of her and the two British men.
1. Reunited

The brothers had held each other for what felt like hours, not wanting to let go after spending so many years apart. Emma watch silently from the side, the rest of her family talking quietly amongst themselves with only occasional glances in the direction of her and the two British men. Emma could help but feel glad. Glad that Killian had be reunited with the brother she had heard so much about on those quiet nights under the stars back in Storybrooke. She could bear to break them apart to continue on their quest to return home, wanting them to have the reunion they deserved so much.

When they finally broke apart Killian ushered his brother towards Emma and the rest of the heroes. He introduced them all individually, stating with Regina and Robin, followed by Emma's parents then Henry who was almost bouncing with the excitement of meeting the infamous older brother of the man he admired so much. Liam smiled graciously with each introduction, shaking hands and even accepting the tearful hug Snow bestowed on him in her typical fashion. They eventually reached Emma. She met Killian's eyes and saw the anticipation of introducing of his most beloved people to each other, something he had never even dared to dream of. Liam face was another picture.

His eyes instantly hardened when they met hers, his brow creasing and his back straightening in expectation of what was to come. His eyes were fixed on her, challenging her to look away first.

"And this is Emma" Killian's voice was filled with joy and eagerness. "I told you about her."

Emma and Liam maintained their stare-down as Killian looked expectantly between the two of them. Liam only nodded in response to Killian's introduction his eyes fearless in challenge. Emma smiled and offered her hand.

"Hi," she said, trying to push away her nervousness. "Killian's told me so much about you."

Liam's only answer was a hum before he turned back to face his brother, his eyes once again full of enthusiasm and love. Emma tried to process what had just happened; Liam had been so cold and distant to her, someone he had never met, despite being delightful to all other members of their rescue party. She stood dazed as the brothers moved away, unsure as to what to do or how to react to Liam's brush-off. Henry was un-noticing of his mother's discomfort as he pulled her to follow the Joneses out of the house the looked so disturbingly similar to the one Killian and her were supposed to spend the rest of their lives in back in Storybrooke. The small town had never felt as far or distant as it felt in that moment, watching her true love laugh and smile with the one person who could take him away from her.


	2. Drifting

Emma felt Henry's instant tugging of her arm, impatiently pulling her along behind the pair who had just disappeared out of the front door.

"You go ahead with them Henry" she encouraged him, understanding his enthusiasm to know more about her pirate and his brother. "I'll be there in a minute."

She watched as Henry almost skipped out of the door, followed quickly by Regina and Robin. Emma's parents seemed to pause, not wanting to leave Emma alone for even a moment in the underworld, afraid of something going wrong in the way it always seemed to. Snow's face was full of sympathy as she looked at her daughter, Emma could tell that she had no idea how to comfort her. Emma wasn't sure she needed to be comforted, nothing had actually gone wrong, it was just that her true love's first and original true love seemed to already hate her despite the few words exchanged between them.

Emma motioned her mother and father to follow the rest of the group and flung herself wearily down on the couch in the middle of the room. She just needed a moment to collect herself before putting a brave face for Killian, she reminded herself, everything was okay, she was overreacting. Liam was just being protective of his brother. It was understandable, she was the one who had killed him after all, causing him to be tortured by Hades; Emma would be angry at the person who cause all that pain, so what if Liam was a bit cold to her? She stood up, bracing herself to put on a brave face for Killian, he shouldn't have to see his brother and girlfriend not get along.

They were waiting for her on the front steps, Killian jumping up from his place next to Liam with a huge grin on his face. Emma could help but smile back, it had been a long time since she has seen such joy in him. He wrapped her up in a quick embrace, oblivious to the look Liam was giving her over Killian's shoulder. He let go and pulled her by the hand down to Liam and the three of them led the group through the underworld version of Storybrooke to Regina's vault, where they were hoping to find some hint at how to return to their own land. It was a strange trip, Emma help Killian's hand as he animatedly talked to Liam about all he had done since he had last seen him hundreds of years ago. Emma couldn't stop herself from chuckling at his tales of pirating gone wrong, they both sobered up at the parts she recognised, the tales of heartbreak, suffering and separation that had seemed to follow Killian wherever he went. Liam laughed too; he added his own tales, mostly reminiscing about times that Killian had forgotten. He never uttered a word to Emma though. He would glance icily in her direction when Killian mentioned her but focus purely on Killian the rest of the time.

It all got too much during a story about a voyage where Liam and Killian had been stuck alone on a desert island for a week before being rescued. Emma slipped her hand out of his, dropping back to walk with Regina and Robin who wouldn't ask any questions. Killian looked down at the loss of contact but swiftly moved on, seemingly unbothered by Emma's separation. From her position next to Regina, Emma watched Killian drift further and further away from her, pulled by his long lost brother. Liam was talking now but she couldn't hear what was being said; she was glad; it was almost painful to listen to the great life Killian had had before his brother had been ripped away from him.

They reached Regina's vault eventually, Emma felt as if it had been the longest walk she had ever taken. The small stone chamber was filled with cobwebs, as if waiting for Regina to die and come clean it. The group automatically fell back into their research routine, each knowing exactly what role they had. Apart from Liam. The man looked almost lost at the sudden purpose everyone seemed to have, Emma felt a trickle of sympathy fill her heart. This was a man who didn't fit in with this family, something that Emma could relate to.

"Killian?" Emma called him over to where she stood in the corner of the room. He came instantly at her call, appearing at her side with a comforting hand on the small of her back. The contact shocked her, she had missed his small touches and the casualness of love. "Maybe you should take Liam up outside, you don't have to hang around while we research this."

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips in thanks, light and fleeting, calling Liam over before they left, their boots climbing up the stairs in unison. It was a few minutes later that it had been the first kiss since this whole mess started, since she had stabbed him through the chest. He hadn't even realised; it had just been automatic. She felt empty. They had been distracted, she thought, other things had gotten in the way; but a kiss, there must have been time for a kiss.


	3. Eavesdropping

She let the brothers have some time alone together before she went to join them, unable to stay away from Killian for so long. She couldn't hear them while climbing the stairs but as she emerged from the door of the crypt she caught the end of their hushed conversation.

"How can you even suggest…" his voice trailed off with his horror at the suggestion.

"It's just an observation, brother. She was the one that sent you here after all." Emma felt her breath catch as she slid back into the shadows she had been about to emerge from. She felt uncomfortable about listening on their private conversation, but it was about her after all and she had to know how Liam really felt about her. Emma could tell by Killian's silence that he was shocked by his brother's words.

Liam's words had struck Emma through the heart. The guilt found a hold on her heart so suddenly, choking her, her brain flashing back to the moment she had killed him. Liam was right, she had sent him here to be tortured by Death himself. Killian's voice was low but laced with a threating tone, almost asking his brother to challenge him.

"She had to. I told her to do it." Liam sighed at Killian's words as if talking to a child who didn't understand, Emma wondered if that was how he still saw Killian, as a child who couldn't comprehend what was an obvious situation.

"She had no choice, she had to kill me." His voice was barely audible now, as if pleading with Liam and himself, trying to apprehend what was happening. Emma saw Liam place a hand on Killian's shoulder in comfort, Killian's whole body relaxing into the familiarity it brought.

"Aye, that she did." Liam said before adding "Maybe that's why you should come with me instead."

Killian was silent and Emma feared what he would say next. He couldn't leave her, not after they had come all this way! She couldn't understand what Liam was doing, turning him against her; Killian belong with her, they had proved that time and time again.

"You can pass with me, we can be together and happy." Liam's voice sounded so full of hope and optimism as he explained his plan. "You'll never have to worry about anything again, we can see mother"

Even Emma had to admit that it sounded like a nice idea to be free of all the pain their lives brought. But they would not be together if he left with Liam, how was she supposed to live the rest of her life knowing that he chose to leave her, that heaven sounded better than ever being with her again?

"Perhaps you are right brother, maybe I should come with you."

Emma could feel the tears start to form. No! He couldn't go! She had only just got him back and now she was supposed to say goodbye and watch him move on. She strode out of the shadows with purpose in her step, closing the distance between them in mere seconds before coming to a stop in front of Killian. She could see the realisation that she had heard their conversation cross his face, the pain evident his eyes as they met hers in sorrow.

"Love…"

He reached to hold her but she pulled away, not wanting to be comforted by him. How could she bear to feel his ever present love with the knowledge that it will be ripped away so soon? She could only have hours left with her true love, the one person who really truly knows her.

"Love, please let me explain." His voice is pleading, asking her to listen to him. She almost gives in; she hasn't been able to say no to him in such a long time.

"Why do you want to leave me, our family, after all we've done? After all we have faced?"

"It's not like that love…" his use of the familiar nickname becomes all too much for her and she almost screams at him with her next words.

"Don't call me that! You can't say you are leaving me and still call me love, it's not fair!" He seems to back away with her yell. The sadness radiates from his body yet he says nothing, waiting patiently for her to make the first move as he always does. It's always him waiting for her to catch up with him. He broke down all her walls and then waited for her to notice as he fell more in love with her every day. Now she would be the one waiting, waiting for death without him. She takes a deep breath, wiping away some of the tears from her eyes. She misses a single tear but he doesn't reach out to brush it away like he has done before.

"I'm sorry Killian, it's just…" she trails off, searching for the right words to use in the midst of this heartbreak.

"You can come home" Her voice is almost a whisper as she tries to hide it from Liam who is ever present behind Killian, silently listening and judging their conversation. She watches in horror as Killian's face turns hard and closed off. She has not seen it this way since his days of actually piracy and even then it had been far between.

"Why bring me back if I shall just move on?"

She can't even begin to formulate a reply, so she runs. She runs all the way back to the house they were supposed to share and straight into the room that was theirs. She cries herself to sleep, locking the door to be left alone in the sorrow she fears she will never recover from.


	4. Lost

He had done it.

He had kissed her, said goodbye and walked into the light with his brother. She was never going to see him again, he told her they would meet once more when she herself died. He also said he hoped that was a long time and that she lived a happy life. She knew she had been cold throughout their last hours together, unable to hide her bitterness at being abandoned for the rest of her life.

She had cried when he had said his final goodbyes.

She was trying to be strong, for Killian mostly. She didn't want their last moments together to be filled with pain, she supposed her sobs had been inevitable and she couldn't have stopped them if she tried. He had given hugs to them all, even Regina had accepted one with teary eyes. Henry had been difficult. He loved Killian, almost like the father he had never really had and he was angry a Killian for betraying him and his mother. Killian had swept him up in his arms; they had been unable to hear what was whispered into the growing boy's hair, but whatever the two shared, Henry was no longer angry, just heartbroken. Her parents had also received hugs, both somewhat mournfully. She knew that Killian had become closer to her mother and particularly her father over their time together, but Killian had Liam now, she thought bitterly, he didn't need David any more than he needed her.

And then it was her turn. He had given her the most passionate kiss they had ever shared, as if trying to pour as much of their love into it as possible, as much of himself for her to take with her. He had whispered a final declaration of love before he had turned to join his brother. She felt her family gather around her as if trying to protect her from all the pain they all knew would hit her any minute. Emma doubted she'd be able to feel any worse than she did at that moment.

There was a split second when he and Liam were about to walk into the light where he turned. Blue met green and Emma felt hope surge through her body. He would realise what he was doing and run straight into her arms, leave this horrid place and return to the life they were supposed to have.

She thought he would come back to her.

She thought he loved her so much that death couldn't stop them.

She was wrong.

He just continued with Liam and faded into the light, leaving her alone forever. She felt her kneels buckle and her body fall to the ground, shaking with huge sobs that racked her entire being. He had actually gone and he was never coming back. He was going to be the one who stayed, the one who proved her wrong by staying by side through thick or thin. What made it worse was that he had a choice and he had still gone. They would have found way to go back, she had told him that, yet he still gave up. As she sat on the dusty floor of the cave, surrounded by the meaningless comforts of her family, she gave up just as he had.

Hades let them go after Killian and Liam had passed on. Emma couldn't tell whether he felt genuinely sorry for her or whether he was just bored, she didn't really care either way. It was inconsequential where they were or what happened now; she floated through life, guided gently by her parents who fussed and fretted over her constantly. Emma knew she should find their attention aggravating but she was beyond caring. She just sat in the loft all day, staring out the window where he had once pointed out the stars in the sky while she watched in fascination of his enthusiasm for life. He didn't have that in the end, he had chosen death over life, over life with her. She sits like this for months, only moving when her mother tells her too, only eating when handed food; what was the point? She knew Killian wouldn't want her to live like this, Snow reminded her of that constantly, but he wasn't here. He didn't get a say in this now. He left and now she makes her own decisions, without him. He left and now she is alone again.

He was supposed to turn around and come back to her.

He was supposed to choose her.

He was supposed to love her.


End file.
